This is our kitchen as of ten minutes ago. “Who would keep such an untidy kitchen?” you may ask. Well, make yourself comfortable and get ready for a very long-winded rant.
When we first moved in and were setting up the kitchen, our short-term fix for the lack of cabinet space was to purchase some handy dandy Gorm utility shelves from Ikea. We had already purchased a few sets for the basement, and they worked rather well. We brought them home and I spread all of the pieces out on the kitchen floor, ready to assemble it. After about a half hour I was almost finished, when I realized to my horror that I was missing four very important screws. Normally when I put together a piece of furniture from Ikea, I will get about 85% through before I notice that things are not going as planned and something is missing. However, I usually wind up re-reading the directions and realize that I did the whole thing wrong and in the end am not actually missing any pieces at all. It serves me right for blaspheming my most favorite store.
In this case, however, I scoured the entire area on my hands and knees, searching in vain for those four little black screws, and finally gave up. The half-assembled shelves laid across the middle of the kitchen for about three weeks, until I finally took them apart until I could get back to Ikea and pick up some more. After three months and one failed attempt, I managed to acquire said screws last night. But to be honest, at this point we had come up with a different plan involving shelves that we already had, so tonight I was like, “Wait, why did we need those shelves again?”
This evening I moved everything out of the kitchen in preparation for some scrubbing and reorganizing. Now, being as the dining room has developed into Mt. Boxmore, the logistics of moving an existing set of shelves to a different spot, moving a new set of shelves in, and an old crappy cabinet out are very difficult, as the area directly next to the kitchen is completely full of crap. The whole thing is a life-sized eqivalent of that little plastic game where you have to slide the number tiles around and get them in order.
My solution was to move the existing cabinet and shelves into the middle of the room while we set up another set of very tall shelves in the corner (where there’s no window and plenty of wall space) – for simplicity’s sake, I’m going to call these tall shelves by their correct Ikea name, Ivar. After that point we could pile a bunch of the boxes from the dining room on the Ivar, making space to wheel out the old cabinet. We brought in the pieces of the Ivar frame, screwed them together, and set out to install the shelves.
One problem: No screws for those shelves.
Now I distinctly remember taking those Ivar shelves apart in our old place, and putting the screws in a little ziploc baggie, and then patting myself on the back. “There is no way I’m going to lose these, I’m keeping all these stupid little things together, so I’ll know exactly where they are.” Unfortunately my recollection of that incident ends there. We searched for probably 45 minutes, but honestly the house is such a disaster that it’s very close to a literal equivalent of a needle in a haystack. Pretty much the answer to any question regarding an item’s whereabouts is “I think it’s in a box somewhere.” Not to mention most of the boxes have been pillaged several times by now, and the contents are strewn about in it’s vicinity.
So now, yet again, I have a set of shelves in the middle of the kitchen floor, making it impossible to prepare meals, get to the back door, or wash dishes. Calgon, take me away!